Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A Crumb of Slumber: Lessons Learned in "Ambi-Cooking"

I would like to dedicate this post to my boss, without whom, it would be a fabricated tale.

My boss is one in a million. With her fluffy always neatly maintained coiff bundled up on her head, and her perfectly pressed polos, she is a character straight out of your favorite movie.

This character has trouble sleeping. Like so many other insomniacs, she has sought the help of her primary care physician. Her knight on the white horse prescribed her a little something special, known as Ambien.

"You may have some side effects....."

A hop, skip and a smile later, she is at home, preparing for bed. All this boss wants is a good night's sleep. She wants to wake up well rested for once.

What do you dream of? Wether it's sugarplums, Victoria's Secret models, or winning the lottery, you're no different than most. Some may sleepwalk. Some may sleeptalk. Some may twist and writhe, making their sheets turn into the likes of a straitjacket.

The bosswoman went to bed at 11pm, that night. In the morning, she woke up ready for the trials and tribulations of another day at work. As she made her way to the kitchen, she saw a beautiful casserole, cooling on the stove.

"Mmmmmmm." This casserole smelled of baked fish..

...and chocolate chips?! Who in their right mind would pair these two ingredients? Certainly not her teenage sons?

More "restful" nights, more suprise entrees.

Things are getting weird. Boss comes to find out, by the help of her sons, and cousin, that sometime during the witching hour, she comes out to the kitchen, sharpens her knives, preheats the stove, and goes to work....while sleeping.

These "ambi-meals" have become rather popular at work. Just yesterday, she brought in pictures of a delightful chicken stew, circa 4:23 a.m.

How about those lobsters that she was saving for a special occasion? Not to worry, they went into a beautiful buntcake.

The ambi-cooking took a turn for the worst with her latest creation. Apparently, she was going for a "sweet, savory" dish. The Vienna Fingers, topped with Brie cheese, sprinkled with melted butter, dill and apricot jam was not a fan favorite.

Before you pop that little coral pill,

Lock your bedroom door.


  1. nothing like an ambi-cooking recap first thing in the morning :)

  2. omg are you serious?!?! that crazy!! you better tell her to be careful!! she might burn her house down!!

  3. If I ever wake up to find Lauren sharpening her knives in the middle of the night I am running!!